I’ve recently gone through a break-up and even though our break-up was amicable, I’m hesitant on whether or not we can still be friends. Am I stupid for thinking friendship could even be a possibility?
Ah, the question that seems to find it’s way into everyone’s lives. Can you be friends with your ex – a question that can haunt us. I think that when it comes to this question, there is never just one go-to answer. It’s not a yes or no question – there’s so much that goes into it.
Of course in a perfect world we would all be best friends with our exes and there would be neither hard feelings nor jealousy. However, in a perfect world I’d also be married to Zac Efron and as everyone can see, that’s not the case. Truth be told, this isn’t a perfect world and when it comes to being friends with an ex, it’s just not a likely situation. To clarify, I didn’t say it wasn’t possible; it’s just not likely.
It’s also murky water when it comes to a friendship between those who used to be ~in love~ with one another, or had any romantic feelings at all. Even if the break-up is friendly, the moment you see them with someone else, you instantly get a feeling of uncertainty. That feeling of uncertainty can be the reason why friendship is difficult. It’s not that you want them back or that you aren’t happy for them in a way, it just comes down to the fact that that is someone who used to be your world and to see them begin to fall for someone else is a hard thing to see, no matter how okay you were with the break-up. It’s a lot harder to salvage the friendship when the breakup is still fresh.
For example, say you dated for a few years – if you instantly try to pull a Ted and Robin right after the breakup, it probably won’t go as smooth as it did on How I Met Your Mother because life isn’t a TV show (a sad truth I have yet to face myself).
Of course you can attempt a friendship right after the breakup because that seems easier than completely cutting that person out of your life, but you aren’t doing yourself any favors by doing that. You’re prolonging the inevitable. I think that a friendship between exes is possible after a decent amount of time, but let it be known that I’m using the term friendship lightly.
All in all, there’s no clear-cut answer to this question. You’ve got to do what you think is best for you. It’s not stupid to think that you can be friends with your ex; however you need to make sure you’re not going after a friendship just because you’re afraid of dealing with the actual break-up. Break-ups are hard as is; you don’t need to slow down the healing process by trying to become besties with the person who used to have your heart. Give yourself time to fully deal and move on from the break-up. I think then you can begin the process of a friendship with them slowly, one step at a time.
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